Operation: Infiltrate the Clique

Parker is this one guy around my age who goes to a sister church of ours in town.

He's  about 5'11, 215lbs, dark skinned, cute smile, STUPID PHAT ass, and on top of that, he's a fem guy that can totally pass for masculine when he wants to.

Plus he can sing. No, actually, Parker can SANG!!! 

Just my type of guy.

But I've only ever thought of Parker as a brother; he's hot, but I'm not sexually attracted to him. Like how I wasn't attracted to Matt.

We get along well; never had any fall-outs or anything; he's a real nice person.

While other dudes would strike up conversations about last night's football game, Parker and I would dish on the goings-on of America's Next Top Model, who had the best dress on Project Runway, etc. We'd grin at each other when a fine brother walked in the room, we'd catch each other checking niggas out as they walked past, stuff like that.

It was this unspoken "thing" we've always had.

Recently, a female friend and I were at a club doing Karaoke.

When we first walked in, Parker was on stage singing "Weak" by SWV (click here) with two of the 5 dudes in his clique I saw sitting in one of the booths.

Now mind you, I had peeped one of his friends the moment I first walked in there but he was standing up at the bar alone so I didn't know who he was there with until I saw him come sit with us.

He kinda looked like Corbin Bleu, but thicker. Nice complexion, but up close, he had a few acne scars or whatever. But who doesn't? (I'll refer to him as Corbin, k?)

It had been a while since we'd last seen each other so Parker and I had a lot to catch up on. And the conversation just flowed.

After about 10 minutes or so of us catching up, I realized two things:

1. The only two people at this table talking are Parker and I. Everyone else is having trouble minding their damn  beeswax. Not that we were discussing anything top secret. But damn.

2. This rude ass nigga who I'm guessing is Parker's boo, came over there and started running his fingers up and down the buttons on Parker's shirt. Parker didn't introduce us, so I acted like the nigga wasn't even there.

Destiny was on my side that night.
Corbin went on stage to sing "The Closer I Get To You" by Beyonce and Luther Vandross (click here). The dude who was supposed to sing with Corbin wasn't familiar with the lyrics. They were gonna just cut the song about halfway through but me, in true Super Save-A-Hoe fashion, hopped my happy ass on stage.

After that, the night was set. Everyone buddied up and did duets all night. It was a lot of fun and we all made plans to meet up and do it more often. Exchanging Facebooks and such, the bar closed down.

Parker gave me his new number and we've been texting since then.

Me: "Next time all of ya'll go out, let me know. I'm always looking to hang".

Parker: "Okay, lol. We're supposed to be going to Rumors next Thursday night. They're having a Pride party, I think you'd like it there".

Me: "I like it anywhere where Corbin is wink wink... You need to put in a word for me or something..."

Parker: "Boy u a fool! I'll see what he say tho. He usually has a stank attitude towards newbies but ya'll seemed to hit it off real good. I never pegged you for the Fem type".

Me: "Yeah nigga, I'm a rare breed. Fems are like my kryptonite. Don't judge me. -__-".

Parker: "Lmao. Ok well I'll hit you up n let u know".


Operation: Infiltrate the Clique is in full effect!
---------------------
Music, you say?

De' Ja' Vu' -- Teena Marie  (this is my new SHIT!!!)

Gold Digger -- Kanye West ft.Jaime Foxx

A couple of Forevers -- Chrisette Michelle

Dance Apocalyptic -- Janelle Monae
----------------------
Enjoy the pics! That first one got me on brick!!

-_Cogito
Capricornaries@hotmail.com

Irons in the Fire

I love it when I come across a piece of music that sweeps me away before I know it.

Irons in the Fire by Tina Marie (Click Here)

Played randomly on my Pandora shuffle. At first, I was going to skip it. But I had exceeded the stupid limit they put on how many songs you can skip in an hour or whatever.

As the song began to play, the first thing that caught me was the beautiful prelude.

Next, hearing my newfound girl Tina Marie, that was a refreshing surprise.

The music continued to play.

Before I had realized it, I had paused my Skyrim game and just sat there.

Soaking in the lyrics. (would you judge me if I told you I got a lil lump in my throat too?)

*sighs*

This song is absolutely dreamy...

According to UsingEnglish.com the phrase "Irons in the Fire" is an Idiom for a person who has several things working to their advantage at the same time.

----
Here are the lyrics:

People say I've got my hands in too many things
Keeping time with paupers just as well as kings
I toss my hat up to the silver sky
And then I sigh
Look at all the blessings in my life

Here I am your Piscean holocaust
Born in Venice Harlem with some sweet and sour sauce
I close my eyes and still somehow I feel
You're here with me
And you are such a blessing in my life

Here I am, I'm just a fragment of my God
Heavenly father, hear me
Sometimes life gets so hard
With you as my desire
Spirit's gonna build me higher
I've got to keep my irons in the fire
Got to keep my irons in the fire

-------------------------------------
Enjoy the pics!

(do you like the new background pic? I think it's Abso-Fucking-Lutely fabulous, but that's just me...)

-_Cogito
Capricornaries@hotmail.com

Newsflash: Grandpa was Bi

Last night, I couldn't sleep.

It was one of those nights where my thoughts were speeding at 150 mph.

My mind jumped around from random topics:

1. Repaying the damn 266$ they over payed me in Financial Aid
2. Was that Rob's car I saw parked outside of BP last week?
3. ...I'm so fucking out of shape...
4. Wait. Krispy Kreme is 24 hours, right?


After finally reaching that threshold betwixt sleep and awake, my bladder kindly reminded me I had to pee.

Damn. Just when I was getting comfortable.

While standing there in the bathroom, it reminded me of this one time when I was like 10 years old.

The bathroom was overflowing in his house so my grand dad told me, and I quote:

"You're a man. Go outside and pee. Don't let anyone see you".

Idk why, but that's just like a random memory I have of him.

When I was 13, he passed away due to Asthma complications, around the Thanksgiving season. That happened at the end of November. By that following January, my mother had passed away as well from a heart-related condition.

With both deaths being so close together, I just NOW realized that I've spent so much time grieving my mother's death, that I've yet to really deal with my Grandfather being gone.

From what I remember, both my grandparents were very cordial to each other, but my grandma had divorced his ass wayyyy before I was even thought about.

It dawned on me that I never really did know the reason why granny divorced my grandfather.

So, out of curiosity, I inquired my grandmother on the matter.

Me: you know... now that I'm older, I don't think anyone has ever told me the reason why you and grandpa divorced all those years ago...

Granny: Aww... hell. It wasn't a secret... Remember Mr. Reginald?

Me: ...that one soldier dude that fought with Grandpa in the Vietnam War? I remember all the nights when his whole back porch was full of comrades playing dominoes, spades, and having a good time... What about him?

Granny: ...Reginald wasn't just his comrade, Reginald was your grandfather's "freak", as he called it.

Me: ...my grandfather's...freak? What's that supposed to mean?

Granny: Years and years after we divorced, word got out that Reginald and him had occasional..."parties" with women. And when the women weren't around, they had no problem taking care of each other. Sex was just "sex" to him, regardless of who he had it with.

Me: !!!!!!!!!???????

Granny: Don't get me wrong. Your grandfather was madly in love with me, and had a strong attraction to women. But I guess there were things that I couldn't give him. On top of that, Larry (my grandpa's name) was a sweet, sweet man. But he was also crazier than cat-shit. He was a changed man when he came back from fighting in that Vietnam war.

Remember that big hole in the wall upstairs in our house on the south side? One day I was coming in from church and Larry was whooping your mother with a belt so hard, the chandelier was shaking. I tried to fight him off of her but he just threw me over the couch. I ran into the room and grabbed his shotgun. I didn't know anything about how to shoot it but I gave him one last chance to get off of her. He didn't. So I pulled the trigger.

The barrel ricocheted when I fired it and threw me back from the recoil, throwing my aim off. Instead of going through his back, it hit the wall.

If it wasn't for that, you would've never known either one of us because Larry would be dead, and I would be in prison to this very day, gladly serving a life-sentence.

That's the reason why your mother never believed in taking a belt to you or your brother.

Oh, that. And Larry used to like me to spank him sometimes too...

Me: Okay, okay, okay! Please don't give me a mental image of grandpa bent over your lap... So basically, grandpa was some Vietnam shell-shocked undercover freak. Is that why ya'll divorced?

Granny: Don't disrespect your grandfather like that. Actually, no. I wasn't aware of what he was "into" until after he left me for my best friend at the time, a woman named Celestine, Reginald's wife.

Me: Omg, I bet that hurt...

Granny: that was a lifetime ago... Yeah baby, your grandpa had a "thing" for men. We had been divorced for some years before it finally came out. When it did, he didn't deny it. You remember how he was, don't you?

Your grandpa ain't have no shame in his game.

With all these things considered, apparently the "freak" in me must be hereditary or something. I wonder if I'll ever be as bold as Grandpa to embrace my sexuality and DARE a bitch to judge him for it...I remember times when he would answer the door stark-naked as the day he was born. 

In fact, now that I think back, I saw my first porno tape at his house. 

He had left a video tape on his dresser drawer one day when I was there alone at his house and I couldn't WAIT to put it in the VCR. 

I don't remember the scene itself; but I DO know that Sean Michaels was in it because that is the moment I fell in love with his work...

Trying to cover my tracks, I made sure to put it in the EXACT position on his dresser. Just in case. 

Later on that evening, when my grandpa called me into his room. I walked in and saw him holding the tape in his hand, grinning. 

I was scared as hell. I thought he was gonna go Amanda-Bynes crazy on me. 

Before I could open my mouth, he said: 

"Next time, make sure you rewind the tape to where it was when it started playing. That way, nobody knows..."

Damn. Now my tough ass is getting all teary-eyed. 

This post is for you, granddad. I love you. I miss you. And I think you'd be proud to read my blog. 

---------------
Music, you say?

Here's a few songs I remember he used to play at his house during get-togethers...

Atomic Dog -- George Clinton

Sweet Love -- Anita Baker

Giving You The Best That I've Got -- Anita Baker

Love's Holiday -- Earth, Wind, and Fire

When Doves Cry -- Prince
------------------------------------
Enjoy the pics!
-_Cogito
Capricornaries@hotmail.com
---------