Wednesday, April 2, 2014

One Toe Out the Closet Door

So...on March 31st, I turned the ripe old age of 24!

My bday landed on this past Monday and I had class that night, so  I just put off all the celebrating until the next day.

I invited family and friends over to kick it. To make it easy, I just made a helluva lot of taco meat and we had a lil' get together.

Of the guests who showed up, my aunt Cynthia was counted in that number.

If there were a top 10 favorite people, alive or dead, that I love the most, Cynthia would  definitely  be in the top 5 percentile.

She's loud, has a squeaky soprano talking voice, is fucking HILARIOUS, and...doesn't apologize for who she is.

In our family: Cynthia, my cousin Dominique, and I, are considered the "weird" ones b/c we're the craziest and act alike.

Around 5pm or so, I got a text from Harris telling me to call him soon. I stepped into my bedroom where it was quiet, and hit him up.

Before I knew it, 15 mins had passed by and I realize I left my guests  unattended. I cut the convo him and I were having, and was about to walk back into the living room, when Cynthia knocked on the door, came in, and closed it behind her...

Automatically, I knew something was on her mind and braced myself for whatever she was about to say.

After a teeny amount of small talk, she says...

Cynthia: [Cogito]I gotta question to ask you...don't get mad, k? 

Me: o...k...


(Idk about you, but I always get this...vibe, when I know someone's about to ask me if I'm gay)...


Cynthia: *sighs* ...are you gay? 


Me: (a few seconds of stammering)...yeah...


Cynthia: OMG [COGITO]!! LIKE, HOW DO YOU KNOW? 

(She was all happy and giddy, you would've thought she was a toddler who got a cool christmas present).  


Me: (laughing)

Cynthia: *whispers* so you don't...you don't like pussy at all? 


Me: omg Cynt, naw! 



For the next half hour, we just sat in my room and hashed it out. I explained to her that I've always "known". She told me that it's been discussed by the family before, and that they all agree that it's not even a big deal and wouldn't change their love for me at all.

I was already sure of that, but she reaffirmed it for me. I told her that I'm going to come out when I'm ready to. Not just yet. But soon. I seriously want to do it before this year is up...

Cynthia has always been a graphic kind of gal so the sex questions she threw at me were not surprising at all.

She told me about how My Grandfather was Bisexual (click here) and didn't give a damn who knew, once he finally came out about it. I told her that granny already told me that.

She even admitted to getting ate out a few times by some stud chick and kept going back to her b/c she did it better than my uncle!

Now, mind you, Cynthia is the mother of my cousin Odessa in the
"My Cousin Came Out To Me (click here)" post. Odessa came to me in confidence and told me that she likes girls too, and wants to tell her mother, but she's scared to.

For a split second, I almost told Cynthia about it, but then I remembered one of the golden rules of being gay:

THOU SHALL NEVER OUT ANOTHER GAY

Smh. I'm getting all teary-eyed again.

I've been a fool all these years.

My biggest reservation about coming out is the backlash that I know I'll receive from the people I respect most at church. It would absolutely crush me if they were to point fingers and condemn me...

But Cynthia reminded me that none of that matters. Like a fool, I've been worried so much about what the OUTSIDE people think, that I overlooked the incredibly supportive family and close-knit friends that I have.

Fuck. I'm crying now...

I asked her what she thinks my mother would think of me if she were still here.

She hugged me tight, we cried some, she kissed me on the forehead, and told me that my mom would be SOOO proud of the man I've become.

We dried our eyes, she told me that whenever I want to go to "the freak store" up the street on Portage road, to let her know and she'll let me use her membership card!

We laughed. She smacked me on my ass, and told me to go make her a taco.

I've never felt so loved in my entire life.
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Thank-You themed music, you say?

Thank You by Dido

All That I Got is You by Ghostface Killah ft. Mary J. Blige

You Pulled Me Through by Jennifer Hudson

you pulled me through by joshua ledet (American Idol performance)
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Enjoy the pics, ya'll!
Excuse any typos
-_Cogito
Capricornaries@hotmail.com
Leave comments!
































Saturday, March 8, 2014

These Boots Were Made For Licking

So last night, I was out kicking it with some friends at Steak N' Shake. Our table was kinda sitting in the middle of the  restaurant floor so I had a good view of everyone in the place. It seemed like,  every time  I look up, this white guy was making eye-contact with me from across the room.

He was kinda cute. He favored Seth Rogan (who, in my opinion, is an adorable life-size gummy-bear).

After a while, I had to go "leak the lizard". On my way to the bathroom, I had to walk past Seth's table and, despite my efforts, made eye contact again.

In my head, I'm thinking to myself:
"....this is NOT Queer as Folk. I hope he doesn't think I'm trying to cruise him or something".

So there I am, at the urinal, struggling with all my might to pull my schlong out but, to no avail.

Being the genius I am, it turns out that I accidentally put my underwear on backwards.

By the time I realized that, along comes Seth creeping into the bathroom. He stood at the third urinal to my left.
I had to make an awkward shuffle over to the (only) bathroom stall to turn my boxers around, and lock the door behind me.
There I am, minding my business, when Seth comes a-tapping at the door.

"OCCUPIED", I say.
"Ohhh...I'm sorry, man, it's cool..." said Seth.

By the time I was done, he had already exited the bathroom.
And that, as they say, was that...
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Although that weird little encounter was fruitless, it kinda' got me to thinking about the..."seedy" side of the gay lifestyle.

I think about the straight up nasty, pig, sweaty, leather daddy fetish sites like TreasureIslandMedia.com, and Knightbreeders.com

On those kind of sites, there's the usual watersports/fisting scenes that make me wanna barf, but hey, some people are into that sort of stuff...

Me? I think the kinkiest thing that Harris has gotten me into is...

Boot-licking

That is some hoooootttt shit to me.
I've always been a closet leather-enthusiast, but never got into it because
A. It's too damn expensive
B. Not a lot of black guys are really into it (at least none that I've experienced).

I've got a few vids in my downloads of scenes with boot-licking involved.

BlackBleeders has this damn good scene where this one guy is licking the spit off of a nigga's boots.

Grimace all you want, but that shit is hot to me.

I'm lucky enough to have a fuck buddy (Harris) that is into it as well, and boy lemme tell ya...

The smell of leather, the taste of it, the dirty talking involved... I get a woody just thinking about it.

So there's that. The secret's out. Cogito has a boot fetish.

:)
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Music, you say?

Mary J. Blige -- Real Love

Beyonce -- Partition

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis -- Thrift Shop Ft. Wanz

Azealia Banks -- Liquorice

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Oh, by the way: I'm doing a little bit of traveling this spring. I'll be scouting for apartments because I plan on moving in fall of 2014.

I'm thinking of visiting a few places in my tri-state area, but want to branch out even further.

I'm think of going to Buffalo, NY because it's only a 6 hour drive from where I am now.

Possibly even Philly...


I you think of any cities I ought to visit and check out, let a nigga know....
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Enjoy the pics! And excuse any typos.

-_Cogito
Capricornaries@hotmail.com




































Monday, February 10, 2014

Everybody's Boyfriend

Jay is 23 years old, 5'11, dark skinned, 170-ish pounds, ripped body, good grade of hair, and a triple threat: he can sing, act, and dance. One a scale of 1-10, he's about a...7 as far as how masculine he is. There's been whispers about him "swinging both ways"...

He's always flirting and in somebody's face, so me and my friend Maliika (from my Broken Hallelujah post) nicknamed him "Everybody's Boyfriend" and refer to him as such between us two.

He and I run into each other a lot at different functions and events. In passing, we exchange small talk, and have always had a kind of "yo...what's up" kind of  acquittance.

I never really "noticed" him.

As of November 2013, he's been frequenting the same  karaoke bar from my Operation: Infiltrate the Clique post.

He has the hots for my homegirl Maliika and be whispering in her ear about how he'd like to eat her out until her legs shake. She entertains him, but he honestly doesn't stand a chance with her. He's not her type.

One night, none of his friends showed up to  karaoke so he sat with me and Maliika. It was the first time I ever actually sat down and had conversation with him.

In said conversation, he more or less confirmed the rumors. He told us that he is attracted to people's "spirit", not their gender. When Maliika went up on stage to sing, it was just us two sitting there.

He leaned into the table and, in a hushed voice, asked me what my preference was, and has been hitting on me ever since.

Randomly showing me shirtless pics in his phone, telling me that I have a "classic handsome" style, getting on me for not facebooking or texting him enough, pointing out guys that he'd like to hit (or already has hit), asking me to "rate" guys in the bar, etc.

This all caught me by surprise because he'd never tried to make any moves on me before, and I never even thought of pursuing him.

I'm no dummy. I totally "get" what he's trying to do. But, here's the thing...

According to him, he can walk up to any chick he wants, and get some action. He usually does, actually. But when it comes to guys, he says "I don't go up to dudes cuz I don't have to. They come to me".

At the risk of sounding  judgmental, I kinda always thought he had a "Kanye West Complex", and that confirmed it.

He's cute and all, but...

Nigga, I'll be damned.

It's like, the more I ignore his advances, the more he throws at me. Plenty of dudes approach him so he's not used to "chasing" a guy.

I think he thinks I'm being hard-to-get.

But in real life, I'm really just being distant because...

I'm sooooo not into him "like that".

On top of all that, he told me that he doesn't even suck dick! "Naw, they suck me and jack their own selves off, I'm just a Top".

In the words of Lil Wayne "How she don't suck dick, but expect for me to eat her?". ((Click Here: Dick Pleaser by Lil Wayne)

In the words of the ratchet queen Khia: "You might roll dubs, you might have G's, but fuck that nigga, get on yo' knees!" ((Click Here: My Neck, My Back by Khia)

*pppshhhh*

You mean to tell me that I'd have to go on a date, talk about HIM the whole time, get back to the house, suck HIS dick, and I don't even get a happy ending?

Hell, I probably couldn't even bless him w/my tongue game, which is major for me. I GOTS TA' put my face in it, idgaf if he's a total top or not, lemme taste them lil  Debbie  cakes, nigga.

Another thing: I am in no way turned on by the thought of Jay climbing my back. I mean...I guess I could, in theory. But he'd have to gimme some too...

Erykah Badu said it best: "Well hold up, listen POTNA' (partner), I ain't no cheap thrill!" (Click Here: Call Tyrone by Erykah Badu)

I may be wrong about him. And once he finally steps to me correctly, may even give him a shot. But that's not until he comes to me.

I don't want to sound egotistical, or stuck up,or nothing...

In the words of Beyonce: "Come harder, this won't be easy. Don't doubt yourself. Trust me, you need me". (Click Here: Upgrade U by Beyonce Ft. Jay-Z)

Stay tuned as this story develops,  y'all...

(I'll be damned if that new background picture ain't sexy as fuck!)
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Music, you say?
XO -- Beyonce
Tom's Diner -- Susanne Vega
Just Hold On, We're Going Home -- Drake (Arctic Monkeys cover)
Days go By -- Dirty Vegas (Official Music Video)
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Enjoy the pics! (excuse any typos)

-_Cogito