I'm usually the "go-to" guy that you know will be there, rain or shine, if you need him. Sure I'll babysit, sure I'll fill in at the LAST minute and host the poetry show, sure I'll put my entire life on pause so we can chat on the phone for 2 hours about why your DUMB ASS still loves him and you know he does you wrong. Could it be that I'm too available for people? Too accessible? Too dependable? Wait, aren't those supposed to be GOOD qualities? I promise, some of my greatest character flaws are my positives: my kindness, my heart, my... WALLET, my time, my talent, etc.
For about a month or so now, it's like things that used to get me pissed or rub me the wrong way--they don't shake me anymore. Negroes w/ SMART ASS comments aren't worth my verbal communication. I can not care less about what someone's opinion/expectation is of me, and believe you me, I've checked and no--I literally can not care any less about it!
And now that I'm pretty much treating everyone around me like how they treat me, they all ask those "What's wrong with [Cogito]? Why is he acting all funny and antisocial" kind of questions. It's cuz I don't want to FUCKING talk to you, that's why. So no, unlock the doors of the church yall DAMN selves, I'm not even going to ask for a copy of the new key. Have my brother's TRIFLING ass babysit my nephew, hell, he's the daddy! Omg, T-Mobile don't play about these minutes, I'll save us both 2 hours of our lives we cant get back: Bitch, BREAK UP WITH HIM! No [club owner of whom's brains I want to fuck out of their skull] I don't care if I'm only hosting your shows b/c I'm really trying to get some action w/u,--call me 2 days in advance from now on or NO, I can't host the show (unless you're gonna finally put-out ofcourse!) lol.
Could it be due to a lack of reciprocity? Not that it's what I'm asking for, but it would be nice. Seriously, I hope you all have read enough about me by now to know that I'm a pretty respectful guy. I really put in effort to treat everyone with the respect they deserve, and the respect I want in return. But at this point, I'm not asking for reciprocity, respect, appreciation, or none of the other accolades: I just want people to leave me the FUCK alone.
Last time I checked, I had hair on both of my balls so I know I'm a GROWN ASS MAN. If I want to do something, I'll do it. If not, shut the FUCK up and move on. I promise the world isn't going to spinning because I'm late for church; I'm sure God still loves me. World Hunger is still going to ravish the world, whether I babysit my lovable nephew or not. I promise, if you two break up right now, he's gonna have another bitch on the phone before he can get his clothes out of your closet.
...sorry if I sound harsh, I just really needed a place to vent and I thought "hhmmm... I'll lure them in w/some hot ass pics, and then hook 'em with my rants!!!!" My diabolical plan worked! lmao! But really though, I AM NOTHING BUT THE MONSTER THESE MUTHAFUCKAZ HAVE MADE ME OUT TO BE. I don't even curse this much in real life, but it feels sooooo much better typing FUCK in capitol letters, idky...
And on top of all of that, I don't feel the least bit remorseful for how I feel or what I say. Fuck it, just fuck.
Enjoy the pics and thanks for reading my rant! Excuse the typos...
You are a gem! I get the sense that people are lucky to know you and have you in their lives. Saying "no" is sometimes the hardest word there is when we want people to know that we can be there for them. That said, you are right, fuck 'em, and make your play for that club owner :)
ReplyDeletePeople have been pulling on you for quite some time. Every now and then, it becomes necessary to let folks know that you are not the super-human brutha with no life, obligations, or feelings of your own. Saying 'no' is often necessary. Saying 'Fuck you' is paramount. Saying 'Club Owner.....gimme da bizness' is kinda hot.
ReplyDeletenice rant lmfao i feel the same way sometimes but hey i leanred to get the same attitude awhile ago. nice pics but i like the rant better very true
ReplyDeleteSo yall feel me atleast! And like I said, I'm only the monster that they've created! I'm strongly considering making my move on this club owner. Funny story how we met: I thought he was just the bartender and he knew my "usual" (cranberry and Vodka). He always had one waiting for me after I hosted a Slam. I had a few too many "usuals" one night and he called me a cab home. While waiting for the cab, we talked and I found out he is the owner of the club, and he says he is my "biggest fan". Hhhhmmmm now we all speak the "language of the DL" so you know what he means by it. ;) and He's been giving me major Facebook/Texting action. So, I might have to do the damn thang w/him... He's fine AND he got money?
ReplyDelete--Cogito
oh man now I can't move from my desk lol
ReplyDeleteOkay.
ReplyDeleteFirst things first: THANK YOU for those pics! I swore, I immediately got hard.
Second: Totally feel you man...TOTALLY. I am the EXACT way and I'm trying to shake it as well. But no matter how hard I try, I just keep getting sucked into it! It sucks even more when the people who are fucking you over (literally or figuratively, your choice haha) are ones that you love. I understand your plight man. I do.
Life is so short, man. So very much of what we deem important is actually not worth a moment's reflection. Easy to say, I know, but try and shrug it all off -- the feelings, the slights, the nonsense.
ReplyDeleteThese pix are sublime, just sublime. Thanks so much for all the work you put in here.