Side Note...

Hey Bloggers! I've been getting emails telling me to get well and i'm glad to say that Cogito is back in the game! Between Rob and Granny, they had me back up on my feet in no time. I've just been so busy getting all this friggin' financial aid crap together (I just switched Universities) and of course, church is always time-consuming.

Which brings me to the point of this post. I've been asked many times about my, um... "double-life" (if you can call it that). I mean, the fact that I'm a super-duper church-boy by day and a super-duper porn-freak by night. And I've argued/explained this before but a really good E-Friend of mine asked me (via email) and for the first time, I was able to give him an answer that even I understood. So, I though I'd let you all in on it.

Here it is:

I am fully aware of the major contradictions in my life. As a fellow man who likes men, I'm sure you can understand the internal struggles you had to deal with early on before you were comfortable with your sexuality. I came to Christ at age 14 (on my own free will; I wasn't "raised" in church). By the time I finally started to accept Christ into my life, I had already been aware of my sexual orientation. That's not to say that I was OKAY with how I felt about guys, but I knew that it felt natural. So, knowing how I felt about men, and knowing what God said about homosexuality, I had to make a decision: God or guys. God won the decision when I got ordained as a Minister at 17. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for God to literally TAKE the homosexual desires away from me, but He didn't. No matter how hard I tried to ignore my feelings toward men, it would never leave me. And aside from homosexuality, I've had my own questions with Faith and God. Since, then, He has proven to me that He does indeed exist and that He loves me. Through time, I've realized that He loves me, and I am SURE he wouldn't give me something that He "hates". 

And you know what? I didn't realize ANY of this until I started my blog. Once I was able to write out my feelings on Men and God, I was able to see, just like the rest of my readers, the disconnect in my lifestyles. But, I'm no longer that teenage boy who's conflicted with sexual desires and religious beliefs. It may sound crazy, but I'm at peace with who I am as a person, and a servant of the Lord. 

And you're absolutely right, I would NEVER preach on Homosexuality (because I live it). But I would never preach on anything that I have not yet conquered. I am a man who likes to preach from experience. So, things like Homelessness, loneliness, fear, temptation, etc. those are the kinds of topics that I have preached and do preach on. I love God with all of my heart, and He comes first. But at the same time, I am a man, with desires and feelings... Those desires and feelings just happen to be towards men. And I suppose I'm able to talk about both areas of my life so casually because I'm finally at peace with both of them coexisting. 

But I'll let you in on a little secret, Teddy: I know that one day, I will have to make an ultimate decision: live the typical "life of a minister" with a wife and kids, or settle down and marry another man. 

Sometimes, I'm just as confused as my readers are! 

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And that's the last time I bringing it up, I promise! 

I know I've got HELLA pics to make up for, so here's 20 of some of my favorite ones. 

Oh, and by the way...


When you call my name, it's like a little prayer. My gift to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA983t3Rdzs

P.S. I wanna do another one of those posts like I did for Gay Class 101 :)

What should the next lesson be on? hit me up: Capricornaries@hotmail.com

--Cogito