In Memoriam

Tasha was the first person in my life that I came out to, and the first best friend I ever had.

I was in 10th grade. She was in 11th. We met in an African American History class at school together.

She's always had her demons.
Adopted at age 4 when the State took custody away from her drug-abusing mother and alleged child-molester father. Add that to a bad case of sexual-identity crisis, and BAM.

That's Tasha.

As we entered adulthood, I had to move back up north but of course we kept in touch and would kick it whenever I visited Louisville... We've had conversations about our fears of growing apart, so we promised each other not to EVER let it happen.

But, no cigar...

I haven't physically "seen" Tasha since...2010, the last time I was in town. Since then, we've done the usual occasional phone call, text messaging, inbox messages, etc. But something kinda started feeling...different.

In 2013, I went to Louisville, after a 3 year absence, and naturally, made plans to meet up.

However, when I got there, she didn't answer her phone, reply to my texts, wouldn't Facebook me back...nothing...but silence.

The confusion of her non-existence hurt my heart something fierce. I promised myself that the next time we spoke, it would be because SHE reached out to me.

In the course of that time, I'd gone through some TOUGH shit and, though I had great friends to support me through it, I needed HER. Just like she always needed me...

One day, out of the blue, in late March 2014, I suddenly get an inbox from her on Facebook talking about how she owes me an apology, and regardless of how I feel towards her, I'll always be the best friend she ever had, and blah blah blah.

We exchanged new phone numbers, reconnected, and although she never did tell me why the fuck she fell off the face of the earth, I was just happy to have my friend back and at least we were talking again...

I was recently in  Louisville about two weeks ago and as usual, was supposed to meet up with Tasha.

Wouldn't you know it? She pulled the same shit again.

She wouldn't respond to me at all, but I saw her constantly posting shit on facebook so it's not like she was being held hostage somewhere. She was posting selfies and doing #WCW, and liking statuses...

On my drive back up North, I had to stop at some random gas station on I-94N because, reflecting over all of this, I started getting teary-eyed.

By the time I made it to the bathroom, the tears were rolling...

I now realize that I was...grieving.
I was literally mourning the death of our friendship.

In all honesty, I'd rather she just not inboxed me at all and just remained wherever the fuck she was.

It's one thing to simply cut someone.
It's another thing to reopen the wound and put salt in it.

Smh.
After Rob, I don't think I can survive another one-sided relationship of any kind.

It's hurting right now, like a mufucka, but I gotta let her go...
I'll always love her for who she is, but the Tasha I once knew is...gone.

I can't keep on loving her with one foot outside the door...
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Music, you say? These three songs PERFECTLY sum up my feelings...

Please Don't Call This Love --MNEK

Ready for your Love -- MNEK

Every Little Word --MNEK
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Enjoy the pics! Leave Comments and Share!

-_Cogito
Capricornaries@hotmail.com

4 People Who Aren't Invited To My Orgy

    So...I'm throwing a good old fashioned orgy! Scheduled on the 32nd of Nevervember, this event will be held at the  Intercontinental Hotel of Idris Elba in Narnia, New York. 

    If you're reading this post, it's because you're invited! Lube and Condoms will be provided by DawgPoundUSA and toys will be sponsored by TreasureIslandMedia 

    You are welcome to bring toys as long as they are unused/unopened and still in its original container. 

    While you are free to indulge and explore in the array of men, please note that harassment, lack of  hygiene (including dirty bottoms), excessive/unwarranted rough play, failure to stop after hearing the safety word, and overall creepiness will not be tolerated and may result in an immediate expulsion from the hotel room.     

This is an all-inclusive event, however, there are four (4) gay adult porn stars that will not be invited. 

Please see below: 
1.   Castro.

Although you do have a massive schlong and know how to use it, I think you fuck the same way Kristin Stewart acts. You're like the...Bella of black gay porn. Not to mention the lack of interest and overall contempt you seem to display towards all of your bottoms.

But that shouldn't suggest that I don't respect you. I've seen Tyger Tyson top you at least 3 times and you took his dick like a champ, and even sucked it good. Granted, it's not difficult to give head; you just did it with...experience.

In this dumb ass interview you did on Tumblr, (Click Here)you claim that you're only "gay-for-pay".

You're not invited to my orgy unless you're okay with being paid in Trident Layers.

2. Osian

*     *sigh* You can be such a better porn star...You handle every single dick that comes your way and, for what it's worth, you're arguably one of the top 20 contemporary black gay porn stars. My beef with you is that you make these painful faces like you're being impaled with a spike instead of a penis. 

Plus, when you're sucking, and all those juices start to drip from your mouth, you turn your head away from the camera, and spit it out on the floor... Fuck is up with that?
   
  3. Diesel Washington
     Nigga...You and that creepy ass Ronald McDonald grin of yours... *sighs*. 
      

.     I don't need you lurking around the hotel room, looking like an episode of To Catch a Predator.     

   4. Tyson Kobie
      As I've said before, I don't believe in "gay-for-pay" porn stars. It's one thing to claim that title, but it's a whole other thing to stop doing it and deny that you ever were. Hell, Castro has now transitioned into only doing straight porn, but even he doesn't deny his past in the gay porn industry. 

   You, on the other hand, fervently  deny your dabbling with men, and is now a bona-fide Homo-Hater, according to this article on Manzzle.com (click here) 
   Not to mention the fact that, in that interview, your body-building picture looks...gross.

  Wait. Actually, Tyson, you ARE invited to my orgy. But only as a bottom. After all the shit you've been talking, perhaps a good ole' dicking is just what you need... 
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            Music, you say? 

Every Little Word You Say --MNEK

  Este Noche -- Azealia Banks

  For Who You Are -- Res

  Aladdin's Lamp -- Teena Marie
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   This upcoming Wednesday, I'll be heading down to Kentucky for a couple weeks. During which time, I'll be in...
  Gatlinburg, TN on business. Stay tuned for that... 
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   Enjoy the pics, leave comments, n' subscribe! 
-     -_Cogito

   

One Toe Out the Closet Door

So...on March 31st, I turned the ripe old age of 24!

My bday landed on this past Monday and I had class that night, so  I just put off all the celebrating until the next day.

I invited family and friends over to kick it. To make it easy, I just made a helluva lot of taco meat and we had a lil' get together.

Of the guests who showed up, my aunt Cynthia was counted in that number.

If there were a top 10 favorite people, alive or dead, that I love the most, Cynthia would  definitely  be in the top 5 percentile.

She's loud, has a squeaky soprano talking voice, is fucking HILARIOUS, and...doesn't apologize for who she is.

In our family: Cynthia, my cousin Dominique, and I, are considered the "weird" ones b/c we're the craziest and act alike.

Around 5pm or so, I got a text from Harris telling me to call him soon. I stepped into my bedroom where it was quiet, and hit him up.

Before I knew it, 15 mins had passed by and I realize I left my guests  unattended. I cut the convo him and I were having, and was about to walk back into the living room, when Cynthia knocked on the door, came in, and closed it behind her...

Automatically, I knew something was on her mind and braced myself for whatever she was about to say.

After a teeny amount of small talk, she says...

Cynthia: [Cogito]I gotta question to ask you...don't get mad, k? 

Me: o...k...

(Idk about you, but I always get this...vibe, when I know someone's about to ask me if I'm gay)...

Cynthia: *sighs* ...are you gay? 

Me: (a few seconds of stammering)...yeah...

Cynthia: OMG [COGITO]!! LIKE, HOW DO YOU KNOW? 

(She was all happy and giddy, you would've thought she was a toddler who got a cool christmas present).  

Me: (laughing)

Cynthia: *whispers* so you don't...you don't like pussy at all? 

Me: omg Cynt, naw! 


For the next half hour, we just sat in my room and hashed it out. I explained to her that I've always "known". She told me that it's been discussed by the family before, and that they all agree that it's not even a big deal and wouldn't change their love for me at all.

I was already sure of that, but she reaffirmed it for me. I told her that I'm going to come out when I'm ready to. Not just yet. But soon. I seriously want to do it before this year is up...

Cynthia has always been a graphic kind of gal so the sex questions she threw at me were not surprising at all.

She told me about how My Grandfather was Bisexual (click here) and didn't give a damn who knew, once he finally came out about it. I told her that granny already told me that.

She even admitted to getting ate out a few times by some stud chick and kept going back to her b/c she did it better than my uncle!

Now, mind you, Cynthia is the mother of my cousin Odessa in the
"My Cousin Came Out To Me (click here)" post. Odessa came to me in confidence and told me that she likes girls too, and wants to tell her mother, but she's scared to.

For a split second, I almost told Cynthia about it, but then I remembered one of the golden rules of being gay:

THOU SHALL NEVER OUT ANOTHER GAY

Smh. I'm getting all teary-eyed again.

I've been a fool all these years.

My biggest reservation about coming out is the backlash that I know I'll receive from the people I respect most at church. It would absolutely crush me if they were to point fingers and condemn me...

But Cynthia reminded me that none of that matters. Like a fool, I've been worried so much about what the OUTSIDE people think, that I overlooked the incredibly supportive family and close-knit friends that I have.

Fuck. I'm crying now...

I asked her what she thinks my mother would think of me if she were still here.

She hugged me tight, we cried some, she kissed me on the forehead, and told me that my mom would be SOOO proud of the man I've become.

We dried our eyes, she told me that whenever I want to go to "the freak store" up the street on Portage road, to let her know and she'll let me use her membership card!

We laughed. She smacked me on my ass, and told me to go make her a taco.

I've never felt so loved in my entire life.
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Thank-You themed music, you say?

Thank You by Dido

All That I Got is You by Ghostface Killah ft. Mary J. Blige

You Pulled Me Through by Jennifer Hudson

you pulled me through by joshua ledet (American Idol performance)
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Enjoy the pics, ya'll!
Excuse any typos
-_Cogito
Capricornaries@hotmail.com
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