Sunday, July 28, 2013

Newsflash: Grandpa was Bi

Last night, I couldn't sleep.

It was one of those nights where my thoughts were speeding at 150 mph.

My mind jumped around from random topics:

1. Repaying the damn 266$ they over payed me in Financial Aid
2. Was that Rob's car I saw parked outside of BP last week?
3. ...I'm so fucking out of shape...
4. Wait. Krispy Kreme is 24 hours, right?

After finally reaching that threshold betwixt sleep and awake, my bladder kindly reminded me I had to pee.

Damn. Just when I was getting comfortable.

While standing there in the bathroom, it reminded me of this one time when I was like 10 years old.

The bathroom was overflowing in his house so my grand dad told me, and I quote:

"You're a man. Go outside and pee. Don't let anyone see you".

Idk why, but that's just like a random memory I have of him.

When I was 13, he passed away due to Asthma complications, around the Thanksgiving season. That happened at the end of November. By that following January, my mother had passed away as well from a heart-related condition.

With both deaths being so close together, I just NOW realized that I've spent so much time grieving my mother's death, that I've yet to really deal with my Grandfather being gone.

From what I remember, both my grandparents were very cordial to each other, but my grandma had divorced his ass wayyyy before I was even thought about.

It dawned on me that I never really did know the reason why granny divorced my grandfather.

So, out of curiosity, I inquired my grandmother on the matter.

Me: you know... now that I'm older, I don't think anyone has ever told me the reason why you and grandpa divorced all those years ago...

Granny: Aww... hell. It wasn't a secret... Remember Mr. Reginald?

Me: ...that one soldier dude that fought with Grandpa in the Vietnam War? I remember all the nights when his whole back porch was full of comrades playing dominoes, spades, and having a good time... What about him?

Granny: ...Reginald wasn't just his comrade, Reginald was your grandfather's "freak", as he called it.

Me: grandfather's...freak? What's that supposed to mean?

Granny: Years and years after we divorced, word got out that Reginald and him had occasional..."parties" with women. And when the women weren't around, they had no problem taking care of each other. Sex was just "sex" to him, regardless of who he had it with.

Me: !!!!!!!!!???????

Granny: Don't get me wrong. Your grandfather was madly in love with me, and had a strong attraction to women. But I guess there were things that I couldn't give him. On top of that, Larry (my grandpa's name) was a sweet, sweet man. But he was also crazier than cat-shit. He was a changed man when he came back from fighting in that Vietnam war.

Remember that big hole in the wall upstairs in our house on the south side? One day I was coming in from church and Larry was whooping your mother with a belt so hard, the chandelier was shaking. I tried to fight him off of her but he just threw me over the couch. I ran into the room and grabbed his shotgun. I didn't know anything about how to shoot it but I gave him one last chance to get off of her. He didn't. So I pulled the trigger.

The barrel ricocheted when I fired it and threw me back from the recoil, throwing my aim off. Instead of going through his back, it hit the wall.

If it wasn't for that, you would've never known either one of us because Larry would be dead, and I would be in prison to this very day, gladly serving a life-sentence.

That's the reason why your mother never believed in taking a belt to you or your brother.

Oh, that. And Larry used to like me to spank him sometimes too...

Me: Okay, okay, okay! Please don't give me a mental image of grandpa bent over your lap... So basically, grandpa was some Vietnam shell-shocked undercover freak. Is that why ya'll divorced?

Granny: Don't disrespect your grandfather like that. Actually, no. I wasn't aware of what he was "into" until after he left me for my best friend at the time, a woman named Celestine, Reginald's wife.

Me: Omg, I bet that hurt...

Granny: that was a lifetime ago... Yeah baby, your grandpa had a "thing" for men. We had been divorced for some years before it finally came out. When it did, he didn't deny it. You remember how he was, don't you?

Your grandpa ain't have no shame in his game.

With all these things considered, apparently the "freak" in me must be hereditary or something. I wonder if I'll ever be as bold as Grandpa to embrace my sexuality and DARE a bitch to judge him for it...I remember times when he would answer the door stark-naked as the day he was born. 

In fact, now that I think back, I saw my first porno tape at his house. 

He had left a video tape on his dresser drawer one day when I was there alone at his house and I couldn't WAIT to put it in the VCR. 

I don't remember the scene itself; but I DO know that Sean Michaels was in it because that is the moment I fell in love with his work...

Trying to cover my tracks, I made sure to put it in the EXACT position on his dresser. Just in case. 

Later on that evening, when my grandpa called me into his room. I walked in and saw him holding the tape in his hand, grinning. 

I was scared as hell. I thought he was gonna go Amanda-Bynes crazy on me. 

Before I could open my mouth, he said: 

"Next time, make sure you rewind the tape to where it was when it started playing. That way, nobody knows..."

Damn. Now my tough ass is getting all teary-eyed. 

This post is for you, granddad. I love you. I miss you. And I think you'd be proud to read my blog. 

Music, you say?

Here's a few songs I remember he used to play at his house during get-togethers...

Atomic Dog -- George Clinton

Sweet Love -- Anita Baker

Giving You The Best That I've Got -- Anita Baker

Love's Holiday -- Earth, Wind, and Fire

When Doves Cry -- Prince
Enjoy the pics!


  1. Nice, yet freaky post. Guess now we know where the freaky shit come from. Embrace it!!! Love ya,

  2. I am finding out My father was a Freak Also!! Great Post! Thanks Man.

  3. Great post. The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. Look, I don't believe in being violent toward children but you got to give Grandpa props -- he did it his way!
    Take care Cogito!
    Immanuel at

  4. He sounds like a good guy. Who knows what was really going on with him??? Can imagine that Vietnam would fuck a man up, but can also imagine that having to pretend to be straight, get married, and raise a family could do its own share of damage. Great reading. Thanks Kid!

  5. @Musique-- ikr! ily2!

    @DW-- It must be something in the water, man! It's crazy to realize stuff like that because you don't ever really even think about a loved one's sex life like that, ya know?

    @Immanuel-- if anything, I thank him! I got out of soooooo many well-deserved ass whoopins! Lol

    @Flowers -- My granny has four children. My Uncle and my mom were born before my grandad went to war, so she calls them the "normal" ones. My aunt and other uncle were born after the war, and they are just as crazy as my grandpa!

  6. your grand dad sure had an interesting life, wish he was here to tell you all about it

  7. I love this entry! It has inspired me to tell the story of me finding out that my Dad was also "a freak". I am a firm believer in the Kinsey scale. Sexuality is not as black and white as most people think or care to admit.

    Thanks for this entry and keep them coming!