Side Note...

Hey Bloggers! I've been getting emails telling me to get well and i'm glad to say that Cogito is back in the game! Between Rob and Granny, they had me back up on my feet in no time. I've just been so busy getting all this friggin' financial aid crap together (I just switched Universities) and of course, church is always time-consuming.

Which brings me to the point of this post. I've been asked many times about my, um... "double-life" (if you can call it that). I mean, the fact that I'm a super-duper church-boy by day and a super-duper porn-freak by night. And I've argued/explained this before but a really good E-Friend of mine asked me (via email) and for the first time, I was able to give him an answer that even I understood. So, I though I'd let you all in on it.

Here it is:

I am fully aware of the major contradictions in my life. As a fellow man who likes men, I'm sure you can understand the internal struggles you had to deal with early on before you were comfortable with your sexuality. I came to Christ at age 14 (on my own free will; I wasn't "raised" in church). By the time I finally started to accept Christ into my life, I had already been aware of my sexual orientation. That's not to say that I was OKAY with how I felt about guys, but I knew that it felt natural. So, knowing how I felt about men, and knowing what God said about homosexuality, I had to make a decision: God or guys. God won the decision when I got ordained as a Minister at 17. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for God to literally TAKE the homosexual desires away from me, but He didn't. No matter how hard I tried to ignore my feelings toward men, it would never leave me. And aside from homosexuality, I've had my own questions with Faith and God. Since, then, He has proven to me that He does indeed exist and that He loves me. Through time, I've realized that He loves me, and I am SURE he wouldn't give me something that He "hates". 

And you know what? I didn't realize ANY of this until I started my blog. Once I was able to write out my feelings on Men and God, I was able to see, just like the rest of my readers, the disconnect in my lifestyles. But, I'm no longer that teenage boy who's conflicted with sexual desires and religious beliefs. It may sound crazy, but I'm at peace with who I am as a person, and a servant of the Lord. 

And you're absolutely right, I would NEVER preach on Homosexuality (because I live it). But I would never preach on anything that I have not yet conquered. I am a man who likes to preach from experience. So, things like Homelessness, loneliness, fear, temptation, etc. those are the kinds of topics that I have preached and do preach on. I love God with all of my heart, and He comes first. But at the same time, I am a man, with desires and feelings... Those desires and feelings just happen to be towards men. And I suppose I'm able to talk about both areas of my life so casually because I'm finally at peace with both of them coexisting. 

But I'll let you in on a little secret, Teddy: I know that one day, I will have to make an ultimate decision: live the typical "life of a minister" with a wife and kids, or settle down and marry another man. 

Sometimes, I'm just as confused as my readers are! 

-----

And that's the last time I bringing it up, I promise! 

I know I've got HELLA pics to make up for, so here's 20 of some of my favorite ones. 

Oh, and by the way...


When you call my name, it's like a little prayer. My gift to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA983t3Rdzs

P.S. I wanna do another one of those posts like I did for Gay Class 101 :)

What should the next lesson be on? hit me up: Capricornaries@hotmail.com

--Cogito

...What A Lovely Way To Burn...

For some reason, I'm really apt to catching head-colds and upper-respiratory infections (blame it on the chronic asthma). And I'm so used to not feeling "up to myself" a few times out of the month.

But dayumn.

Sinus Headaches; my fever is 102 and none of the home-remedies seem to break it.

(I said all of that to say)...

I'm stuck on my couch, head pounding like Mike Tyson, going through Kleenex like hell, when Rob sends me a text. Asks me how I'm feeling (I've quarantined myself from the rest of modern society until further notice). It's been about 3 days now since we were last together and other than me draaagggiiinnnnggggg my ass to Bible Study on Wednesday, I haven't been any further than the shower and the kitchen.

So I text him back: "eh, kinda. Granny made me some Chicken Soup with Stars so now I'm just chillin"...

Rob: "I'm at Krogers getting a care-package together; can't let Gran-Gran outshine me ;)"

--sighs--

By the time I woke up and read that text, he was already knocking at the door. His crazy ass gave me a peck on the lips and I'm like "okay... if you get sick..."

You know how you never notice the mess you've made until someone else comes over? Yeah. I start grabbing balled up tissues and sweeping up Cracker crumbs from the couch... All bad. Can't let my baby catch me slippin' like that again.

(lemme rap this up; these Tylenol PM's are kicking in)...

I took a steamy shower, popped the last pill in my Z-Pack (an antibiotic for the upper-respiratory infection) and I look up to find Rob still sitting on the couch. (and my headache is giving me HELL).

He made my bed; laid me down, rubbed some Vicks Vapor Rub on my feet and put socks on them.

"My not help the headache, but keep rubbing this on your feet and KEEP your socks on; you'll open up after a while".

He puts the back of his hand onto my forehead and jumps back like he touched a hot skillet. Cheezy, but cute.

As he walks out the door, he tells me: "you gotta AT LEAST be running 103; if you're not feeling any better by the end of tonight, I'm dragging yo ass to the E.R.".

(fast-forward).

Just now, he sent me a text message of the Heat Mizer with a bunch of ???? underneath.

Lmao, I get it, I get it! Even on my sick-bed, he can make me laugh.

I text him back that I'm feeling a bit better (obviously, I'm writing this post, right?)

He responds: "k; I'm gonna call u in the A.M. Let me know if anything changes".

I text back: "...what a lovely way to burn..."

--Cogito
Capricornaries@hotmail.com

(no pics tonight. Sue me; I'm sick!)

But not too sick to listen to Down in Mexico by The Coasters (my gift to you): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kahp_kmOFzQ

+Poz Parties+

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Keep It On The DownLow

R. Kelly (Keep It On The DownLow) if you don't know it, then GET TO KNOW IT!

So, we've been hella busy for the past few weeks. The skinny version is that an up-and-coming group of rappers (and I use that term very, very loosely) from out of Detroit, decided to rent out Rob's club to shoot a music video there. It sounds really cool (and it is) but dayumn... sooooo much work has to be done! They already have a camera crew available and stuff, but they wanted to shoot this video like yesterday. They are trying to rush our (already fully booked) list and throw a few extra dollars in it. This means cancelling the Mayor's Galla Event, two different Wedding Receptions, a Bachelorette Party, and a few other events (and dammit, I was looking forward to the free strippers!)

Blah blah blah...

Other than practically becoming the manager of Rob's joint, things have been going... smoothly as it can, you know? I had to let his ass know that not only am I completely booked up until the middle of September with church events, but I can't juggle that AND help manage the club. Bless his heart, he's such a friggin' Meat Loaf though. What is a Meat Loaf, you ask?

Meat Loaf (n.) -- A strong, masculine man with the I.Q. Level of a box of rocks...

He's always like "bae, how do you spell (insert 8th grade spelling word here)"

"Bae! I think my batter is dead!" (by the time I drive over there to give him a Jump) "Oh... lmao, it was just outta gas..."

*sighs* and it's adorable (and annoying).


But the good news is that the sex is getting a whole lot better. I didn't wanna scare him away with my levels of freakiness (and we all know how kinky I can get), so I let him take care of all the Kink in the bedroom (kitchen, hallway, backseat, behind the bar, etc.)

Not only that, but I know that I feel a certain kind of way about him. I have very strong feelings for him; do I love him is the question? too soon to tell? Maybe I'm just rushing things, but...

He doesn't have to tell me that he loves me; I can see how he looks at me (hell, everybody sees how he looks at me). He's no good at the whole "let's keep it on the low" thing...

When I'm on stage doing poetry, if I look out into the crowd, all I see is... him... When I'm out of town on business, the only person I wanna talk to is... him... Wondering what he's doing; who he's with (those HOES be all in his face... smh... if only they knew how much he likes to suck dick... hell, prolly better than them... #justsayin)

And I trust him. Period. I really don't think he'd fuck around on me with anyone.

He does know how to check me when I'm getting out of line (which turns me the fuck ON).

So, enough of my sappy love-crap...

I read this really decent quote:

"Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them enough not to" (idk who said it) but it's ABSOLUTELY CORRECT!!!

One more thing, I know I'm late, but I was just introduced to Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood (my gift to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LraOiHUltak&ob=av3e). The video made me cry the first time I saw it. I was balling like a damn baby! The lyrics and the video concept put me back to when I was 17 going on 18 years old; I was that lost, scared, vulnerable boy all over again. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read waaaayyy back to when I first really started bloggin His Open Arms (And Front Door)

And Rob was DYING laughing at me! Smh!! He told me to grow a pair, I'm like ??? Nigga, take em outcho' mouth! smh (we just kid around like that)


Enjoy the pics and I still haven't forgotten about my guy Biron and his photo-site; just wanted to get this post out right quick...

--Cogito

Capricornaries@hotmial.com