Wednesday, April 2, 2014

One Toe Out the Closet Door

So...on March 31st, I turned the ripe old age of 24!

My bday landed on this past Monday and I had class that night, so  I just put off all the celebrating until the next day.

I invited family and friends over to kick it. To make it easy, I just made a helluva lot of taco meat and we had a lil' get together.

Of the guests who showed up, my aunt Cynthia was counted in that number.

If there were a top 10 favorite people, alive or dead, that I love the most, Cynthia would  definitely  be in the top 5 percentile.

She's loud, has a squeaky soprano talking voice, is fucking HILARIOUS, and...doesn't apologize for who she is.

In our family: Cynthia, my cousin Dominique, and I, are considered the "weird" ones b/c we're the craziest and act alike.

Around 5pm or so, I got a text from Harris telling me to call him soon. I stepped into my bedroom where it was quiet, and hit him up.

Before I knew it, 15 mins had passed by and I realize I left my guests  unattended. I cut the convo him and I were having, and was about to walk back into the living room, when Cynthia knocked on the door, came in, and closed it behind her...

Automatically, I knew something was on her mind and braced myself for whatever she was about to say.

After a teeny amount of small talk, she says...

Cynthia: [Cogito]I gotta question to ask you...don't get mad, k? 

Me: o...k...

(Idk about you, but I always get this...vibe, when I know someone's about to ask me if I'm gay)...

Cynthia: *sighs* ...are you gay? 

Me: (a few seconds of stammering)...yeah...


(She was all happy and giddy, you would've thought she was a toddler who got a cool christmas present).  

Me: (laughing)

Cynthia: *whispers* so you don' don't like pussy at all? 

Me: omg Cynt, naw! 

For the next half hour, we just sat in my room and hashed it out. I explained to her that I've always "known". She told me that it's been discussed by the family before, and that they all agree that it's not even a big deal and wouldn't change their love for me at all.

I was already sure of that, but she reaffirmed it for me. I told her that I'm going to come out when I'm ready to. Not just yet. But soon. I seriously want to do it before this year is up...

Cynthia has always been a graphic kind of gal so the sex questions she threw at me were not surprising at all.

She told me about how My Grandfather was Bisexual (click here) and didn't give a damn who knew, once he finally came out about it. I told her that granny already told me that.

She even admitted to getting ate out a few times by some stud chick and kept going back to her b/c she did it better than my uncle!

Now, mind you, Cynthia is the mother of my cousin Odessa in the
"My Cousin Came Out To Me (click here)" post. Odessa came to me in confidence and told me that she likes girls too, and wants to tell her mother, but she's scared to.

For a split second, I almost told Cynthia about it, but then I remembered one of the golden rules of being gay:


Smh. I'm getting all teary-eyed again.

I've been a fool all these years.

My biggest reservation about coming out is the backlash that I know I'll receive from the people I respect most at church. It would absolutely crush me if they were to point fingers and condemn me...

But Cynthia reminded me that none of that matters. Like a fool, I've been worried so much about what the OUTSIDE people think, that I overlooked the incredibly supportive family and close-knit friends that I have.

Fuck. I'm crying now...

I asked her what she thinks my mother would think of me if she were still here.

She hugged me tight, we cried some, she kissed me on the forehead, and told me that my mom would be SOOO proud of the man I've become.

We dried our eyes, she told me that whenever I want to go to "the freak store" up the street on Portage road, to let her know and she'll let me use her membership card!

We laughed. She smacked me on my ass, and told me to go make her a taco.

I've never felt so loved in my entire life.
Thank-You themed music, you say?

Thank You by Dido

All That I Got is You by Ghostface Killah ft. Mary J. Blige

You Pulled Me Through by Jennifer Hudson

you pulled me through by joshua ledet (American Idol performance)
Enjoy the pics, ya'll!
Excuse any typos
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