Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I often wonder, when God was creating Adam, did He think to His omniscient self: "hmm... in a few millenniums, I'll be making this nigga named [Cogito] and He might like this"... 

So God promptly split Adam down his backside and created the first ass... 
Smh. There's gotta be SOMETHING going on because

And Phatty87 from Xtube only exacerbates my addiction...

This is just a sidenote from my last post. This profile right here is my most favorite. Check out some of the pics and you'll see why.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Gay Porn (For Dummies) Pt. 1

This post is for the public erections.
This post is for the dick print in that one guys's sweat pants that made your mouth water.
This post is for that fine ass waiter at Applebee's that makes you wish HE was on the menu.
This post is for the childhood friend you run into years later and Father Time has turned them into a Calvin Klein underwear model.

Yeah. This post is for the mofoz who's clothes you wanna rip off right then and there.

*sighs* but instead, you snap out of your nasty, dirty, raunchy ass fantasy, and make a mental note when you get home to beat your dick like a Dora the Explorer Pinata -_-

I consider myself a connoisseur of porn sites. There's a bajilion I could name right off the dome but since you're a dummy and all, we'll stick with a very familiar porn site--

(Fun Fact: did you know Xtube is considered the very first adult tube site?)

Here's some things I keep in mind when searching for a decent Xtube vid:

1. Is the video quality choppy/the sound muffled because of a crappy camcorder?

2. Is the video only like 10 seconds long? (I HATE when that happens, smh)

3. Even if the audio IS working correctly, can you hear any moaning? Or did the guy(s) in the vids decide it would be cute to blast some STUPID ass song in the background? (Cuz now you're singing along to the lyrics instead of concentrating on the video itself)

4. and most importantly, does the video fit the mood you're in for? Sometimes when I go on Xtube, I'm looking for some decenet Solo videos. Other times I'm feeling a bit kinkier so I aim towards leather-themed vids, Etc. 

When you're lucky, you'll come across a video that impress you so much, you click on that Uploader's profile and see what else they have. This is a toss up as well.

Sometimes you'll run into guys (and statistically, gals) who've been members of the site for like 5 years and have only 3 stupid videos, but have the maximum number of 1000 videos Favorited on their profile.

And while we're on the subject, you really ought to know this little tidbit:

No matter WHAT a person's profile says about what turns them on and off, you can tell what a person is really into by the content of their Favorites folder.

For example: you'll come across a guy's profile who says something cliche like

"I'm only into other masculine men" (but their favorite's list is full of Tranny porn).

When I come across a bisexual guy's profile, and happen to look through his Favorites, I can tell how Bi he is. If he's got more Women/Pussy vids than Men/Dick vids, then I assume he's more into women than men (or vice versa).

And that applies to every Tube site for that matter.

The more diverse a Favorite List is, the better. Variety is always good. Especially when you're trying to decide on which vid you're gonna cum to.

And even if they're profiles are completely blank, look to the left of the screen and if anyone of their friend's profile pics catches your eye, click on them. And the fun starts all over again.
Side note: ultimately, a crappy video can be redeemed if the cum-shot(s) is/are decent. I personally don't care if he's a skeeter or not, but it IS hotter to me than a runner... I gotta edge for like 10 damn years before I can shoot.
(is it bad that I have Porn Surfing down to this kind of a science?)
I have a bootleg ass Xtube profile

Check me out. Friend me. I'm thinking of finally posting either a Solo vid, or me giving Rob some KILLAH head game.
(In Pt. 2, we'll be discussing Fetishes Sites) 
Music you say?

Check out my girl Azealia Banks doing her thizang in her new vid Liqourice! Click Here

He's Mine -- MoKenStef (he played you like a trick, cuz you let him hit...)

Valerie -- Amy Winehouse (Covered by Rudy_Currence)

They Don't Know -- Jon B.

Sweet Lady -- Tyrese

(I'm in an old school mood, don't judge me!)
Enjoy the pics!