Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Tits or GTFO!

This past Saturday (12/21/13) was my first time at a strip club.
I got the invite from a good friend's mutual friend who had 8 free passes and one of them ended up being mine.

I had church in the morning so I didn't really wanna go but when I heard that Kenndrick was coming (this FINE ass nigga who I'll get to in a later post), I had a new motivation. :)

Long story short,

we all meet up at a 7-11 nearby and pre-gamed b/c they don't serve liquor in strip clubs apparently (learn something new everyday, huh?)and finally head over to the club.

While waiting in line to check our coats in at the door, I could hear All Summer Long by Kid Rock (click here). Which is my jam, but didn't expect to hear it at a strip club of all places.

Surprisingly, they played some decent music in there; I was dexpecting to hear, well..."stripper" music, ya know?

The bouncers were body-slamming niggas who pulled their phones out so I couldn't google-search any of the songs they were playing, but made a few mental notes.

The girls were hot as hell. A lot of white, thick girls too, with big titties that made up for the lack of ass. There was this one chick who looked middle eastern, by far, the baaaadest bitch in there.

There were two poles on opposite sides of the club, and one main stage with chairs that sit right up to the stage, where we sat.

We're throwing singles, making cat-calls, motor-boating their chests, all that fun stuff.

While I'm not interested in a single stitch of pussy, I just acted interested and excited as the other guys were.

I threw a 5$ bill on stage and "Stiletto" came over and spread eagle, like, RIGHT in front of me.

Again, I was like "whoooo!!! Damn!!!" just like all the other fellas.

When suddenly, it dawned on me:

The prettiest pussy that entire night was smack-dab in my face, and I felt not the tiniest bit of a turn-on. She might as well have put her kneecaps in my face b/c that's how stimulating it was. I thought to myself "damn, I guess I really AM gay".

All the other guys were drooling over the strippers and their bodies. I was observing their bodies.

Trying to see WTF it is about women that turn straight men into the howling wolves they are. But, to no avail. I'll never understand what attracts men to women. Hell, I don't even understand how WOMEN like women.

But I digress...
Ratchet Stripper Music, you say?

Tip Drill -- Nelly (and a whole lot of OTHER niggas) uncut version

Pour it Up -- Rhianna

Shake Dat Monkey -- Too Short and Lil John

Get Low -- Lil John and the East Side Boys
This is my last post for this year so,
I wish everyone a merry Christmas. May you live long, prosper, and get laid on New Years Eve.

(excuse any typos)

Enjoy the pics!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Porn Hack #1

I've posted before about how, after I've saved enough pennies, treat myself to a membership at some of the porn production companies that tickle my fancy.

In the past, I've joined:



If you're not careful, you'll fail to read the "terms and conditions" of the membership. When that happens, you think you've only paid for one month of membership, but no.

Because they require a credit card to complete the transaction, it will sign you up for whatever membership you purchase PLUS automatic renewal every month until you cancel it.

Smh. That's how they getcha'...

No worries.

To thwart this greedy little trick, check out the first (of many) Porn Hacks that I'm going to do a series of.

Hack #1: Visa Gift Card

Purchase a Visa Gift Card from your local Wal-Mart, Walgreens, CVS, hell, I think they even have em' in grocery stores. It's like, 4.95$

Load about 30$ or so on the card and--*BAM*, you are now free to shop around for porn memberships without having to worry about a monthly  reoccurring  bill.

It may be a gift credit card, but a credit card, nonetheless, so the website will accept your payment. This saves you from the fine print because, at the end of that month, your membership is just cancelled b/c the card they have on file has insufficient funds.

The only catch 22 is that you'll have to create another email address,get another card, and create a new account if you want to rejoin the same site again because your old account will have been either deleted or blacklisted.

So, there you are.

Indulge in your primal urges to jack off, my friends!

Music, you say?

Groove Theory -- Tell Me

Stephanie Mills-- I've Learned to Respect the Power of Love

Beyonce -- Countdown

Drake -- Hold On, We're Going Home


Enjoy the pics!