Friday, September 2, 2011


So of course it’s Labor Day weekend. And I’m running around with my head chopped off. I spent most of my morning over at my Granny’s house cooking/cleaning/preparing dishes along with her and my cousins. I was pretty much their little bitch until around 3 when I snuck out and drove over to Rob’s house. His mother came into town to visit so we decided to throw a nice lil barbecue at his place. A few of the bartenders, some of the poets around town, mutual friends we “rub shoulders” (network) with; nothing major.

But for all intents and purposes, of course it has to look like I’m just another visitor over at Rob’s house.

And for the record: Rob’s mother (Collette is her name) is an absolute DOLL! She’s a real sweetheart! 

When the Deviled-Eggs ran low outside, I was already in the kitchen making some more of them (it’s like my Signature thing that everybody tells me to bring). After a while, I look up and Collette is walking into the kitchen, washing her hands and tells me she wants to help. The two of us really hit it off really well. We chit-chatted for the longest and got a better feel for each other. But I could tell that she knew what was up. I could just feel it.

And finally, this happened...  

Collette: oooohhh lawd... Look at that lil floozy in my son’s face...

(I don’t look up from the bowl of boiled eggs we were peeling).

Collette: you see her?

Me: Oh yeah, that’s Ashnee out there. She’s always in his face...

Collette: (under her breath) ...always in his face...

----minutes of silence----

Collette: you know, I see the way my son looks at you.

Me: ?? (of course I’m playing stupid)

Collette: ...and I see the way you look at my son...

Me: well, how do I look at him?

Collette: the last time Rob was this happy, he was with his fiancée Stephanie.

(Remember Rob came verrrryyyy close to being married, but the two of them split. He still won’t tell me why though. Read my post "Best Head Ever! (part 2)").

Me: (I was stuck; lost for words; kinda scared. Like damn, she’s bold as fuck to bring it up like this). In my mind, I’m like “well, since the cat is out of the bag...”

She was nice enough to wait for me to gather my thoughts.

Collette: come on Hun, finish peeling those eggs. We’re just talking...

Me: Mrs. Orland, Rob is very special to me...

Collette: How long?

Me: going on 3 months now...

Collette: I love my Son regardless. But it hurts. My son knows he can tell me anything. And you’re a Minister, right?

(While I start stammering for words, Rob walks in from the patio and sees us talking).
I’m hoping he would pick up on the obvious tension between his mom and I, but Collette put her game-face back on and started acting really regular like we were just discussing the weather or something... So damn, I had to do the same.

*sighs* Rob can be so damn oblivious sometimes... He grabbed a bag of ice out of the deep freezer and went back outside, cheesing at the both of us on his way out...

Collette: are we out of Paprika?

Me: I think it must’ve fallen out of the bag. Lemme check my backseat...

I never went back in the house. I really don’t know what to say to her after that. I’m hoping she doesn’t bring it up to Rob without me being there. Hell, I don’t even know what to say to Rob.

“Hey, by the way, Bae, your mom and I were talking. She totally knows we’re together. And she’s pissed that you didn’t tell her you’re into guys sooner...”

Like, wtf...

*sighs* and this all happened like a few hours ago. She’ll be in town until Tuesday. I really want to finish the convo with her, but to be honest with ya’ll, I’m freaked out. I’ve never had to deal with this before. But I guess part of growing up is facing this type of ish, right? That doesn’t mean I have to LIKE it, but I will have to DO it.

I had to take a break and share this with yall. 

I keep getting “where the hell are you” texts from Rob. I’m about to give him a call and... talk... I’ll tell him the smoke from the grill was getting to me but I didn’t want him to spazz out so I just left... That’ll keep him at bay until I can think of how to bring the Kitchen Scene up to him...

Stay tuned!

Btw, Turning to Stone by Ingrid Michaelson has been on repeat in my car all day. My gift to you:

Enjoy the pics and PLEASE comment/email me some advice, a nigga is really torn right now. 



  1. Oh, just bite the bullet and go get it over with. She obviously likes you and ignoring her and the situation is not going to solve anything. Oh yeah! Don't tell her about the blog! :)

  2. Even though she might be a very nice person, nice people also make mistakes. This was rude of her to corner you into giving her information about her son, because that's what she did, regardless of the way she did it. My advice to you would be either you tell your boyfriend that he needs to talk to his mother about it or you tell the mother that she needs to talk to her son about it as soon as possible instead of keeping you between a rock and a hard place. She was out of line to ask in the first place, and even more out of line to corner you about it, so it should be hers to right her wrong. Respect is priceless and doesn't have any more meaning for an older person than it does to a younger one. I don't respect people because of their age, I respect them because they are human, there is no hierarchy made about age. And respect also means not talking in the back of other people while they're not there, especially when it comes to their sexuality. It is a touchy subject that one speaks about when they're ready and to the people they want to speak about it. Somebody who demands answers about one's sexuality is a rude person, must they be strangers or their own mother.

  3. I have to agree with Nil. It seems a bit strange they she would bring it up to you like that. Seems like she was being kinda intrusive, even though it is her son. I wouldn't speak to her again until her and Rob have talked. You don't want him thinking you went behind his back or anything. I don't know what I would do in that situation. Me and my ex Don feel strongly that his mother knows, but she has never been so blunt. This it's something you need to pay smart. You don't know her true intentions.

  4. hello there can i have the link of the 3rd pic pls.. because he's my friend and i didnt knw that he's naked on some sites haha pls.. :)

  5. Ya'll sure do make a lot of sense... Damn I'm glad I posted this one.

  6. Oww hello u still know from where site he's in? Pls