"I Hardly Ever Fall In Love, But..."

I’ve been getting HELLA emails about my last post, so I’m going to sum this thing up: I’m still torn between coming out to M or not. I really do cherish our friendship and I don’t want to ruin it, but if this is all it would take to screw it up, then it wasn’t much of one in the first place, right? Eh, well anyways, when I make a life decision on this thing here, I’ll definitely let you guys know.

>>>>>> moving on

NEXT WEEK IS THE LAST WEEK OF THE SEMESTER!!! But before I can throw a Sausage-Party, I have to study for these EFFING FINALS!!!! Ugh, can’t I just get my Degree already? This damn Religion in America course is going to skin me alive (I’m a Theology Minor), if this Advanced Analytical Research doesn’t already do it. *sighs*

But I guess that’s one of the good things about being single, right? I don’t have anybody to distract me with my studies. Only thing is, this is Passion Week (this is the week that changed the course of World History. Too much to say. Just Google it). 

I usually like to Fast during this time. But um…

Me + Empty Stomach + Academics=Epic Fail. 

So, I’m sure the Lord won’t mind…

Since I can’t Fast from Food, I Fast from my other biggest temptation. Three letters, one word: Sex.

And let me tell you: the more I refrain from it, the more it comes knocking at my door—literally!

Red Bone came knocking at my door last night at like 4 in the morning. No calls, no texts, no Facebook, nothing. He dropped by unannounced which is kinda rude, especially at 4 am. 

I wrapped my blanket around me because I woke up with a Woodie—and rushed to the door like Captain Save-A-Hoe thinking something was wrong—he was banging on my door like he was Five-O!

Luckily, it was just him, Horny as usual; I swear he’s a nympho… I have no other choice but to believe him when he told me he only sticks with “one dick at a time” because it’s the only way to explain why he’s always jumping on mine. (Or I might just have some Good Dick, wink wink).

I didn’t (couldn’t) tell him that I was Fasting; I just told him I’m trying to stay Abstinent for the rest of the week. 

I forget that this Negro is a PK (Pastor’s Kid, his dad has a church in Chicago) because he sighed and was like “Yeah, Yeah, it’s Passion Week, I know…”

I expected him to roll his eyes and catch an attitude like he usually does when I shoot him down. I was already coming up with some smart stuff to say…

But instead, he looked me in my eyes and told me he could settle for some Cuddle-action. I see no problem with that at all.

I’m no idiot: I realize this all sounds like some really cute, intimate affair—and it was. But we came into this “thing” telling each other flat-out that this is a purely Carnal relationship. Honestly: I don't feel either way about it. If anything grows from our "sessions" then it does. 

I say this with no Ego at all, but-- my Sex Game is just a commodity that comes along with my company. I think I'm a pretty decent "catch". 

Plus, as I’m writing this very post, I just received a text from him saying he wants to Fast with me. How cute is that?

+sighs+

 But this is all happening so fast. Not only is Red catching "Love-Eyes" for me, but DJ is putting in HELLA work on ya boi (more on him in the next post). 

And with Finals, Preaching, and Poetry Shows on my schedule for well into the middle of next month-- I have no time for anyone else! 

As I say before in a poem of mine: 

"I hardly ever fall in love but love hard when I do..."

--Cogito

P.S. When I'm 50 years old, will I look back at me at 21 and want to kick myself? I wonder these things...

(wish me luck on these damn Finals! Excuse me if there are any typos, I'm late for class)