Coming Out... (?)

(DAMN that dude in the first pic is fine as hell!) 


In a perfect world, I could be an openly gay (black) minister. 

I really don't see why it's SUCH a big fucking deal, but... 

I was just kickin' it over at my boy's house, all cuddled up and watching his favorite show Law and Order. 

I wasn't really paying attention because my mind was going 110mph... 

I'm really, really, REALLY feeling Rob. I haven't felt this way about a nigga in a long time.

I know we've got something strong because its been tested and we're still together. 

And when you're in love, you want to yell it on the rooftops. 

You wanna tell the clerk at Wal-Mart

You wanna tell the guy who rings up your McNuggets at the counter... 

You wanna tell the damn Mailman... 

You wanna tell EVERYONE when you're in love! 

Especially those closest to you. 

The other day, my younger brother came to me for some love advice. And half way through it, he asked if I'd ever been in love. I got all choked up because I wanted to tell him YES NIGGA! i'M IN LOVE RIGHT NOW WITH THIS GREAT GUY AND WE'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. 

But instead, I punked-out and directed the conversation back on him. 

I'm tired of having to lie about it. 

The only thing I need to ask myself is this: 

Do I love Rob more than I love my title (as a minister)? 

Because coming out means pretty much losing all ties with the people that I love (in church). Not only that, but I'd be the talk of the tri-state area. 

(Mind you, I've had more guys flirt with me in church than I'd EVER had in the middle of gay bars)

It's SUCH a fucked up situation. 

I know my family would be all right with it though.

And Rob's not pressuring me about it, being DL himself, but it does get kinda frustrating when we're pretty much tangled up with each other at home, but have to damn near sneak and hold hands at the movie theater. 

*sighs* 

How could something that feels so right, be so... wrong? 

Whatever. My Pizza Rolls are done so... enjoy the pics yall and help a nigga w/ some advice... 

Capricornaries@hotmail.com

-_Cogito

Nothing Even Matters...

I SWEAR I only planned on dropping by to get a can of Raviolis from his pantry. 

He was just getting out of the shower when I got there so I say to myself: 

"aaww hell, if I plan on being productive with the rest of my day, lemme grab these vittles and gtfo outta here"... 

(OldSpice Original Body Wash is my Achilles Heel, you see, especially when a nigga is in the shower with it) 

I turn around to walk from the pantry and there he is, wearing nothing but a grin, and some flip flops. 

I tried ya'll, I really tried, to leave... 

But he decided to corner me at the door. 

Smh. 

You know the rest ;) 

*sighs* 

So while I'm laid out on the bed, waiting for him to bring me a warm wash cloth, a thought occurs to me: 

WHY IS DICK SO DAMN GOOD? 

You'll put up with some pure BULLSHIT from a dude, if that dick is on point. 

Making 3AM runs to McDonalds cuz he's hungry after plowing you. 

Flatout, blatantly disrespect you to your FACE, and you KNOW you don't tolerate that, but you say 

something keeps pulling me back". (Naw nigga, that's that DICK and you know it)! 

...Or maybe that's just me... 

And mind you, I'm a self-proclaimed Vers all day long. I'll tear some ass up in a minute. I'll eat at a nigga out like its Thanksgiving. 

But Rob got me seeing stars though... 

Like, I wonder if his dick can sing Handel's Messiah? 

---------------------------------------------------------

Nothing Even Matters -- Lauryn Hill and D'angelo  I pity the ones who don't know what they sing about in this song. 

Wonderful Wonderful -- Johnny Mathis  they played this at the series finale of my second favorite show ever (desperate housewives) and it made me cry like the pussy I am.

You Know I'm No Good -- Amy Winehouse -- nuff said! 

Oh, btw, I'm thinking of starting a VLOG. What'dya think about that? 

Enjoy the pics! 

-_Cogito

I Used To Be A Bully

When I first started this blog, it originally began as a place where I just shared my love of porn.
But over the years, it has evolved into somewhat of a journal. With that being said: I do apologize if it seems I've strayed from the original direction of my blog. But it's cathartic for me to write about my life. Thank you all for the emails, comments, networking, etc.

So for today's post, I want to let you all in a little secret:

I USED TO BE A BULLY.

Back in first grade, there was this boy in my class named Mario.

Mario used to pee on himself all the time and, like kids will do, we ostracized and picked on him to the Nth degree.

And I was the ring-leader of the abuse.

I used to say some mean, nasty, hateful things to him.

All these years later, I can still see his face. I can still smell the odor from his clothes. I still see him running out of the classroom crying.

And to know that I was the cause of all of that-- it pretty much haunts me on a regular basis.

Mind you, 1st grade was the last place I saw him.

I try to search for him online sometimes but I don't know his last name.

I even called our old elementary school to see if they had a yearbook or something with my class-roster in it. But to no avail. None of my old classmates have seen him since either.

What hurts me the most is how I'll NEVER get a chance to apologize for being a bully to him.

All I remember of him is how much I tormented him, and that's all the memory I'll ever be to him as well.

Having been bullied for being gay (not to an extreme extent), I now know how Mario must have felt.

God. I get teary-eyed every time I think of it.

I wonder how his life has turned out. I wonder if he even remembers me, ya know?


I guess as an adolescent, I was so distracted with hormones and life, that I kinda just shrugged my shoulders at Mario's memory.

But now that I'm older (and seemingly wiser), I look back and don't even recognize that person I used to be.  It scares me to know I have the ability to be so ugly towards someone.


I googled the topic a bit and some say it's better to write letters to people and then either keep them or rip them up, so...


Mario: I want you to know that I'm a better person these days. I know we were "just kids" and all but I knew JUST what I was doing. I clearly remember my DELIBERATE intentions and I had no right to treat you like that. Even if you DO forgive me, I'll never forget you. I'm truly, absolutely sorry, Mario.

Wherever you are...

-_Cogito

ATK Polish

I'll admit, at first he was kinda ugly in the face to me. But he's grown on me.

And hell, even if this nigga looked like Flava Flav in the face, the one things you can't deny is

HIS BEAUTIFUL DICK!!

Good golly.

Don't even get me started on that ASS of his. Ya'll know I'm a sucker for a plump ass in a jockstrap. I'm on brick-hard just thinking of it...

Last night, I came across a teaser-clip of him with a fleshlight. I've GOTTA find the whole vid somewhere so I can upload it here.

He may be a bit of a "neck-downer" but that "down" part is MORE than enough.

Don't take my word for it. Look at these pics, and hit me up after you're done jacking off. (cuz its illegal NOT to spank off to these pics).


-_Cogito
Capricornaries@hotmail.com