Wild Horses Run Unbridled

In 1997, I was only 7 years old wheen the song Butterfly by Mariah Carey, came out.

Now, at the age of 22: I finally understand the lyrics.

My favorite part is when she says:

"Wild horses run unbridled or their spirit dies".

SO true.

Horses are not born with bridles on their back. Somebody put it there, to TAME that horse. To only allow that horse to run if it's in being steered in the Equestrian's direction.

I'll be a monkey's uncle if that doesn't describe how I've been feeling lately.


It's crazy how you can love someone so much, you kinda lose yourself in them.

I used to think it as cliche' to use the phrase "lost in love". But now I get it.

Whether that love be good or bad, healthy or venomous, sweet or bitter, it is Love, nonetheless. And Love, as history proves, makes me do some STUPID fucking things.

It's been a solid 2 months since Rob and I split. It was a mutual thing. As mutual as two people in love can be, I guess...

I've harped and I've harped about our dysfunction before, so I'll spare the details.

Just know that it's time for me to get back to me.

Back to Blogging.
Back to writing.
Back to Poetry Slamming.
Back on the Dean's List.
Hell, back to being happy.

This is just my theory, but: when two Men date each other, their Alpha-Egos can easily clash and cause conflict. They both have different levels of what they consider to be disrespect and are much more sensitive to those levels when they think it is coming from the other. Granted, this doesn't happen to every relationship; this is just self-destructive behavior I've witnessed firsthand.

I guess that's why it's so hard for me to let people "in'.

I can count on one hand the number of people in this world who truly, absolutely KNOW ME.

And sometimes, even THEY get shut out.

I don't always mean to do it. But it happens.

Add that to the list of shit I need to work on.

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Mariah also says in the song

"You have given me the courage to be all that I can".

SO damn true.

In my thinking, I'm like: "Okay, I can do A, B, and C because, even if I fail, even if I look like a DAMN fool, as long as I have my bae and my friends, I'm good".

And I guess, in the end, that's what matters the most from a break-up, right?

Not what CAUSED it. But what you learn FROM it.

I don't want this relationship to be the one that I base all of my future ones on. I don't want the pain of this one to turn me bitter.

So I won't let it.

Nope.

Instead, I'm gonna do some praying, a lil soul searching, follow Immanuel's 10-step Guide for Getting Over Your Dude, and I'll be okay.

May not be today, but someday soon, I'll be good.

Even if it hits me all over again and I have to go to the Breakup songs on my phone.
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And by the way, just for the record: Rob's ass isn't taking this break up well either...

But that's another post. One I may never write.

For now, just enjoy the pics. I know it's a lot of sausage in this post. Forgive me. I'm going through withdraw over here! *_^
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Happy Black History Month! (is it weird that I think Malcolm X is kinda... hot?)

Seriously. The only dude hotter than El-Hajj Malik El Shabazz is when Denzel Washington played him in the movie "X".

Don't judge me. o_0

-_Cogito

Capricornaries@hotmail.com