*sighs* where the hell do I start, yo? For whatever reason, I have been spending quite a deal of time with a certain female. 3 am laugh sessions on the phone, 3-4 hour dinners where the time just kinda melts away. Actually, I just got in from dinner with her. Easy convo, the works. In fact, from the ladder of 2010 to now, we've been together so much that people often mistake us for a couple. We do cute shit: hold hands, have pet names, all that...
BUT>>>>>> always respecting each other's boundaries: none of that "why didn't you call me back" bullshit.
In short: we're just friends. And no, she doesn't know I'm gay.
Ya'll know I'm soooooo not into the whole... "vagina" thing. Yet, I'm kinda getting the vibe that she's trying to make whatever this "thing" is we have, something more than it is, or ever could be.
All I'm saying is: if there's anyone throwing a Sausage Party, I'll be the nigga at the door taking coats and hats... ;) (I crack myself up!!!)
BUT>>>> I'm a naturally flirtatious person: I'm really trying my best not to throw her any mixed messages, but when you're feeling someone (or vice-versa), EVERYTHING they do can be interpreted as a come-on.
It's never anything big, it's the small things: her laughing, slapping my leg, and holding her hand there 3-seconds too long. INVITING HERSELF as my arm-candy to this very formal event I'm attending next week. Not that I mind though: she's gonna knock those niggas on their fucking KNEES... It's always fun to see men scramble, trying their best for her attention when I have it all, and don't even want it!! Power trip much?
*sighs* I like her a whole lot. I am FULLY aware of how stunning and beautiful she is. In fact, I kinda puff my chest out when we walk into a place and people stare at us.
But in no way, shape, form, or fashion will we ever be anything other than close friends, period.
I've tried to contemplate it: entertain the idea of us being an actual item. But as reality sets in, I realize how... GAY I am, lol.
And what I fear is that we'll be at her house, or at mine one night, having drinks, and she'll make her move. When I (politely) refuse her, that's when it'll all hit the fan. It's going to be a really messy situation that I really want to avoid.
I mean damn: I don't want to be shady and start putting her on the back-burner, especially since her and I, "us", is a part of my every day, you know?
Another *sigh*--------- what is a 20 year old, gay, socially-confused, poet, minister to do? Smh, imagine having to juggle that many titles at once!
Welcome to my life.. there's cake and juice in the back...
...If it means anything to you, I went through my Vault, looking for pics of guys stuck in some kind of thought. I guess because I have so much on my mind.
*yawns* whatever. I'm finna jack off and go to bed, it's the mature thing to do...
..man... that third to last pic, he makes me bust everytime I come across a pic of his. Anyone know his name??? My dick will thank you...